They may be very insistent that they are victims and that those who disagree with them are wrong, if not evil.
And so they are very resistant to change which could be very counterproductive when you interact with them.
You can remind her of this in many ways: telling her that it is ok to lean on you, being present for her when you sense she needs you, and offering to help (with household tasks, or repair work, or just taking her car in for a tune-up.)No matter what you think of her ex, let her deal with him.
Be an active listener if she rants about him, nodding your head and saying “That sounds awful! Don’t offer to go see him to try and settle any scores.
Expect to have some less than ideal moments with the children.
Whether they are small or grown, your presence in their mother’s life may not be accepted with joyous high-fives. She will have developed patience and good communication skills so the bond you will make will be solid and enriching.
She will have better-developed skills in areas such as empathy, patience, listening, negotiating, and emotion-managing due to her divorce experience. If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.