Remember, conflict is not the death knell of a relationship, Piorkowski says.Ironing out issues, maturely discussing differences of opinion, and rectifying mistakes is part and parcel of ongoing, healthy partnerships.
It may also take the form of fretting over our partners, obsessively calling, texting, or e-mailing them, or inflaming minor conflicts rather than “just letting things go”—all of which comes with an equally unsatisfying set of consequences, like relationship dissatisfaction and divorce.
Perceptions of conflict and support in romantic relationships: the role of attachment anxiety. Journal of personality and social psychology, 2005, Jun.;88(3):0022-3514.”Perceptions of conflict and support in romantic relationships: the role of attachment anxiety. Journal of personality and social psychology, 2005, Jun.;88(3):0022-3514. There’s a silver lining embedded in the potential pitfalls—and part of teasing it out involves clarifying how much of your trepidation is all in your head.
The more predictable, loving, and stable our relationships were with our parents, teachers, and friends as we grew up, the fewer apprehensions we have around letting others in once we become adults, research suggests.
But if we were deprived of adequate attention, given mixed messages, or abandoned in our early years, we tend to expect the same painful treatment from everyone else in the world—especially those we fall in love with, Simpson says.
Try, “I really care about you, but when you speak to me in that tone, it’s really hurtful and makes me want to shut down.